February 7, 2008
I just realized that today is your birthday. Every year I know it is coming and yet it catches me off guard. I forget about it for a while. About half way through my day…BAM!…it hits me SO hard.
Almost seven years and I still can’t get my mind to accept that I’ll never see you again. It just doesn’t seem possible. More than not talking to you, it’s not touching you. Not ever feeling so completely safe as I did when I was snuggled in your big bear hug.
I remember one of the last times I had one of those. We were standing out in your driveway and it was cold. It was early spring so it was the damp cold. The kind that seeps in your bones. You came over and wrapped your arms me. And I was instantly warm. Not just my skin but my soul. I felt loved, content and happy. Most days in this crazy life don’t feel that way. I want to thank you for that. For making me feel your love.
I know your childhood wasn’t the easiest. You could’ve easily passed down that same level of dysfunction or worse. But you didn’t. You weren’t a perfect parent. There is no such thing. I wasn’t a perfect daughter, either. But I do feel that you did your best. That’s all we can be expected to do.
There have been times when I’ve been so angry at you that I was almost consumed by it. Slowly, I’ve been able to work on forgiving your mistakes. I’ve done a lot of work on myself as well.
Michael asked me about my Daddy the other night. After thinking about how to answer all three sets of big blue eyes in a simple manner, I realized that it’s exactly that…simple. The simple truth is that I love you. I miss you. And I selfishly wish that you were still here.
Happy 60th Birthday!
With all my love,
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